


Recovering What's Lost

by InSpaceYoghurt



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Amnesia, Brain Damage, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Self-Worth Issues, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InSpaceYoghurt/pseuds/InSpaceYoghurt
Summary: Alec and Ellie have been dating for a year, but Alec feels that he's finally ready to continue further and get married. However, the evening he plans to propose, he retains serious brain damage after being hit by a car. What more can happen to make matters worse?Based off of the film Recovery (2007).
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller, Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Comments: 33
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAHHHH. I just watched Recovery with Sarah Parish and David Tennant, and can I just say that my whole entire soul felt like it cracked. Like. AGh. I'm not even the emotional type and this film sorta got to me. If you haven't seen it, I completely recommend it.  
> With that said, please be cautious because this will most likely have strong(er) language use than most of my usual fics.  
> EEEEK. I'm excited about this one.  
> Happy reading!  
> *Tags may change depending on where this goes.

It had been a year since Ellie and the surly detective Alec Hardy had officially started dating. It had been two since they started co-parenting and exchanging simple favours for each other. So, The ‘announcement’ (more like rapid town gossip) hadn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Even Daisy, Hardy’s daughter, and Tom, Ellie’s son had agreed that it was ‘pretty obvious’ that Ellie and Alec shared a special connection with each other.

Both had agreed to keep things professional at work, and that they did. They remained partners and good partners at that. And surprisingly, things weren’t as awkward as they had originally thought they would be. 

They continued their ‘Hardy-Miller’ relationship; their petty squabbles and arguments would continue in their day to day routine. Hardy remained a stubborn old knob and grumpy sod, but he also showed a lightness Ellie had not seen before.

He seemed less tired and less stressed with each coming day and he looked much less tired. He smiled more and was less of a knob to Ellie. Though, he was still an awkward twat around strangers.

Ellie noticed some differences about herself, too. She felt somewhat happier. She felt lighter than before. Stress seemed to be less of a factor in her life with Alec. Instead of being the wife of a child murderer and a single mother of two boys, with everyone giving her glances of pity in the store or apologetic eyes at the beach, she was seen as a smiling mother with two boys and a guardian of a girl who she could almost call a daughter.

Not to say Ellie didn’t have days where she thought of all of the things that could have gone differently. No. Those days stayed, just as the Sandbrook memories stayed with Alec. Nothing could fix what had happened in the past. Nothing could change the fact that her ex-husband killed her best friend’s child. Nothing could change the fact that Joe had pleaded not guilty. Nothing could get rid of all the spoiled memories she carried.

And it made her sad. It made her rethink her life choices. Why did she have to choose _him?_ Why did God let her life, and the Latimer’s lives, go so wrong ? What had they done wrong to deserve all of the pain they had to go through?

That was one reason she loved Alec. He was always there for her. No matter what. No matter if she was a lively soul, bugging him about going to the beach or taking a walk, or if she was lying in bed crying. Alec was there to hold her no matter what.

He had never been the talkative type. Not like Joe. Whenever she was feeling down, he wouldn’t push for what was wrong if she wasn’t up to sharing. He would never judge. He’d just give a warm hug and asked if she needed anything. Anything to make her feel better. He even suggested going out for a walk on the beach or grabbing fish and chips from a Chippie (he wouldn’t eat anything though). Many of the times, though, he would just hold her close, letting Ellie rest against something stable and warm, despite his lanky frame. He’d let her dig her head under his neck or on his shoulders and let her sop up his good shirts and he’d let her stay there for as long as she needed.

It was nice to have someone there for her. It was nice to feel wanted.

They rarely did date nights as _their_ kids always took priority. Most evenings after being drowned at work, the family would choose a place for takeaway, and on the weekends cook something up as a family. Weekends were always filled with trips to the beach or lunches with the Latimers.

Tom, Daisy, and Chloe got on great together, mostly spending their time playing on the x-box, and the rare occasion of a family game of football. Daisy especially loved playing with wee Fred and little Lizzy.

Hardy had become the official science and literature tutor whereas Ellie would take maths and history. One thing Ellie had learned about Hardy over the years was that he had so much more life in him than just Detective Inspector Hardy. Tom and his English class were reading over _A Midsummer Night’s Dream._ Tom, not being a great fan of literature – well, ever – had decided it wasn’t worth his time. Alec was able to persuade him that Shakespeare was more than just an ‘old bloke who wrote silly and confusing’ plays.

That week the whole family had joined together and read over the script, Hardy being especially enthusiastic, taking several parts and using several different voices. Fred had enjoyed every bit of it, and Tom had found a new respect for some of the literature, though he had still decided he was more of a science and mathematics kid.

Alec later revealed that he was always into drama and literature along with history and science. He had said that he always loved the subjects in school, but he found an even bigger passion for helping others. Ellie had smiled knowing that he was finally opening up. He knew almost everything about Ellie, so now it was Ellie’s turn to know everything about Alec.

Weeks flew by, and after a year of spending so much time together – practically living together - Alec and Ellie agreed to go on their first official date.

It was nothing overly fancy. They went to a simple restaurant and enjoyed a cloudy sunset at the beach. It was cold and dreadful that evening. Their date didn’t last long. But something about it then, something had drawn them close enough that they kissed that evening. It was a gentle kiss and nothing steamy, but it was enough to prove their love for each other.

For a full year, Ellie had felt as though she had gotten a true family back. Her life felt completed. Never would anything tear what they had apart. Not again. Not after Joe. Even the Latimer’s lives had been much more gleeful. Mark had eventually left Beth, which everyone had seen coming, though they remained friends.

Ellie knew that she would never get her old life back. Never would things go back to being ‘normal’, and Ellie accepted that because quite frankly, this life was something that even her old life couldn’t promise.

\-------------------------------------------

Hardy stepped out of the police station, rushing home. He had planned a date with Ellie, which was something they rarely did, despite their relationship status of ‘dating’. Tonight was going to be a special evening. Very important. Extremely important. So important to NOT FUCK UP – something he seemed to be very talented at, sometimes.

Staring at his watch, he mentally made a note of all the things he had left to do, and how much time it would take to do each; Shower first, get dressed up, drop Daisy off, meet Ellie at the restaurant that he may or may not have forgotten to book a reservation for – SHIT!

Hardy rushed for his mobile, double-checking to make sure they had a reservation. Relieved to see that he had done so, he jumped in the shower where about a million thoughts jumbled together in his mind, and for once, the water didn’t remind him of the river and didn’t remind him of Pippa.

Instead, he thought about how frightening this evening was going to be. The last thing he wanted to do was to ruin the relationship between himself and Ellie. It was the one thing in his life, besides his daughter, that gave him a proper reason to live. He truly loved her, and he hoped that he was able to show that to her despite being so oblivious with relationships and emotions.

“Dad?” Daisy called out. “Time to get going! Don’t want to be late!”

Hardy sighed, quickly drying himself off, though he still knew he had time. Once dry, he dressed in one of his nicest suits. Granted, his nicest was far off from an expensively tailored suit, it was still a good one; sleek black and unwrinkled.

He combed out his hair and trimmed the beard that had been growing out. Taking a final look in the mirror, he cleared his throat and left for the car.

Daisy could have just driven herself being 18, already, but she had her reasons for staying. She kept telling her dad to calm down, and that everything would go fine, which honestly worried Hardy even more. He didn’t remember the last time he was so nervous.

“You’ll be fine,” Daisy repeated for the seventh time in the first five minutes.

“Yes. Everything is _supposed_ to go fine, in theory,” said Hardy.

Daisy gave him a glare. “Relax, dad. You’ve done this before.”

Hardy frowned. “And look at how it turned out,” he mumbled.

Daisy sighed. “You remembered the ring, right?” she asked.

For a hot second, Hardy’s heart stopped. He had remembered the ring, right? Hardy quickly patted down his pockets with one hand, feeling a small item in his right pant pocket.

Hardy sighed. “Yes, yes,” he said alleviated. “Don’ scare me like that, Dais.”

“Just checking. You’re very forgetful, you know,” said the teen, smiling.

“When’s the last time I forgot something?” he asked. Daisy opened her mouth, but he quickly added on, “- this important?

She just shrugged, then checked her phone. “Mum says to tell you good luck,” said Daisy.

Hardy just nodded.

Finally at the Latimer’s, Hardy dropped off Daisy, though Beth had a couple words before he finally left.

“You’re good for her, you know?” Beth said, leaning in towards the open car window. “You’re making a good choice.”

Hardy smiled, not even concerned with how Beth knew. 

“For once in my life,” he said, then left it at that.

\----------------------------

Ellie was stunning. She was always stunning, but tonight, even more so. She wore a beautiful burgundy dress with matching flower embroidered lace. Her hair was up showing bright gold, dangling earrings.

“Since when did we decide to go on such extravagant dates?” she asked with a cheeky smile as she met up with him just outside the restaurant.

“You – you look – er – stunning,” Hardy managed to say. He mentally kicked himself for speaking like a lovestruck teen. “Sorry,” he said.

Ellie blushed. “And you look quite handsome.”

Together they entered the restaurant, finding a small table that had been reserved for them. After agonizing minutes deciding what they could afford on the menu (half of the food was way overpriced for the small portions they saw sitting on other couples’ tables), Ellie settled on a chicken marsala entrée and Hardy a Sicilian grilled Pesce, ordering a red wine to share.

After ordering, Ellie excused herself to go to the loo, giving Hardy some time to think about the rest of the evening.

His whole body seemed to shake, and he could feel sweat beam down his back, making the fabric against him cling to his skin. He didn’t remember feeling so nervous when he had proposed to Tess. Then again, that was when he was young and a reckless fool – more so than now. He remembered being so in love with Tess, but he never thought of the stakes if she had turned him down.

Now, all he could think was _what if she says no?_

How would that affect their relationship? The absolute last thing he wanted was for their relationship to deteriorate because he was pushing her to go too fast or do something she wasn’t quite up to do. Ellie had gone through so much in her life already. He didn’t want her to hurt any more than she already was.

Hardy looked nervously around the crowded restaurant. The whole place was full of couples who were smiling and sharing a glass of wine.

_Just relax. Be like them. Be happy. Be calm._

It didn’t help. His happy self rarely overpowered the pessimistic and cynical side of his thoughts. And then he saw _him:_ A lone man, sitting a couple tables away from their own, and he was staring right back at Hardy.

It was a suspect from their case. The main suspect. Just a couple weeks ago, a woman was found dead, on the sidewalk from bleeding out. _He_ had a criminal history and no alibi for the evening. All of the evidence led to him.

_Fuck. This is just what I need._

Ellie returned to the table with a strained smile.

Hardy returned his attention to her, but his thoughts were on the suspect.

“Did you see him?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Just did,” Hardy sighed.

“How the bloody hell did he get in here?”

“Reservation, Miller,” said Hardy.

“That’s my point. Did he not say he didn’t have the money to even buy the weapon used on our victim?” Ellie asked.

“This isn’t that high-end of a restaurant, Ellie,” he said, correcting himself on the first go. He was so used to calling her ‘Miller’.

She didn’t seem to care, now. “Alec, my point is, why tonight? He obviously wouldn’t be here just to get dinner.”

Hardy shrugged.

The waiter finally came, bringing them their food – and then all hell broke loose.

The loud banging of gunshots echoed the room as people screamed out. Hardy and Ellie immediately ducked, but the second the firing was done, Hardy chased after the man.

“Alec!” Ellie called out, slipping out of her heels to catch up with Hardy, though, she should have waited until she was out of the building as broken glass was scattered across the floor.

By the time she got out of the building, Hardy and the suspect were nowhere to be seen.

“ALEC!” She cried out. She watched as cars flew down the street past her. She had no clue which way he had gone. Not until she heard someone scream.

She ran as fast as her dress would let her, hurrying down the avenue to find a stopped car and a body in the road.

_Alec._

“NO!” She cried, running over.

A lady had stepped out of the car, bent over Alec.

“Oh my god!” she said, also crying. “I didn’t – he just – oh god – I’m so sorry.”

“Call a fucking ambulance,” said Ellie, wrapping herself around his body.

“Alec,” she cried out. “Alec, please. Wake up. Wake up! Please don’t die. Please. I love you, Alec. You can’t leave me yet. Please!”

To Be Continued.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh. So. Recovery.  
> I wanted this to be as close as possible to the original story line of the film, but I then realised that the characters have different personalities than the original characters in Recovery. Alec is not Alan and Ellie is not Trish. So, with that said, there are going to be differences between the two - some may be greater than others. It will be the same tragic accident, but somewhat different reactions to said accident.  
> Anyways.  
> Happy (or not happy) reading.

Ellie sat with her head in her hands and her feet tapping anxiously on the tile ground, waiting in the ICU for what felt like ages. It _had_ been ages. She wasn’t allowed in the room just yet, but she watched how the nurses moved in and out of the room Alec was in; Ellie could see they didn’t look pleased.

Sooner or later, a nurse stopped in front of Ellie.

“Ellie Miller?” she asked.

Ellie looked up and nodded her head. She was still in her dress from that evening which felt uncomfortable and scratchy, and her makeup had run down on her face and on her hands from crying.

“I have good news and bad news,” the nurse said.

“Start with the bad, I suppose. I want to get that over with.”

“Of course,” she said, then glanced down at her clipboard. “It seems that Mr. Hardy has gone into a coma – we don’t know when he’ll wake.”

Ellie held squeezed an imaginary ball in her fist.

“And,” she continued, “there is a possibility – a high possibility - that he won’t remember the events of that evening, or even before.”

“He won’t remember-?”

The nurse shook her head. “Along with that, he has two fractured ribs, a broken leg, and multiple fractures in his left arm along with one at his wrist. He’s lucky to even be alive, Mrs. Miller.”

Ellie couldn’t speak. Nothing could come out of her mouth, no matter how hard she tried. Instead, she just nodded her head up and down, slowly.

“We are aware of his heart condition,” said the nurse, “and his pacemaker seems to be in check. We haven’t had any cardiovascular complications as of now, but we will continue to monitor this.”

Ellie watched the nurse in disbelief because this truly couldn’t be happening. This was all just a nightmare – a freakishly real nightmare. All she had to do was wake up. Just wake up. That’s all. She couldn’t believe it. It had been a full year - _a full year_ with no complications.

“And the good news?” Ellie whispered, which was as loud as she could get right now.

The nurse, luckily, seemed to hear her, but she gave Ellie a sad smile. “The woman responsible, the one who hit Mr. Hardy said that she would be willing to help pay for the medical bills, and any medical aid you may require afterwards.”

“Right.” Ellie bit her lip. She felt like she was going to cry again. And instead of having Alec, who was always there for her, she had open, cold air which smelled falsely of disinfectant. “He -” she paused. Not just her lip was trembling or her voice, but her whole body as well. “He’ll remember me, right?”

The nurse gave a sad smile. “I would contact any other close family members Mr. Hardy has and go home. Visitation right now will be very limited, so you might as well go home and get some rest,” advised the nurse, avoiding her question.

Ellie didn’t press any further. She already knew the answer.

The nurse then handed Ellie a pile of clothes. It was Hardy’s clothes. His suit and shoes. “Erm. When you wash these,” the nurse said carefully. “Make sure to empty the pockets. There are valuables you probably don’t want washed-.” She paused. “I’m truly sorry.”

With that, the nurse left Ellie.

\-------------------------

Daisy scrolled through her Instagram feed as she and Chloe talked.

“So do you think Ellie will say yes?” Chloe asked, focusing on her FIFA match.

“Dunno,” said Daisy. “I would assume yeah. I mean. She and my dad are really close and I really do think that they love each other.” But then her attention turned to a funny meme.

Daisy showed Chloe and the two laughed.

After a bit of silence, Chloe turned off the X-Box, this time with a serious expression drawn on her face.

“I know, but what about – what happened,” said Chloe. She didn’t need to name the even for Daisy to understand what she was referencing to.

Daisy turned her phone off, propping herself against the couch as she sat on the floor.

“Do you think she’s ready to move on?” asked Chloe.

“That’s what dad said,” said Daisy. “He told me he was worried about Ellie not being ready just yet.”

“But they’ve talked over it before, right?” Chloe’s look of concern changed as Beth entered the living room with a plate of snacks in one hand and Lizzy in the other.

“Hiya,” she said cheerily. “Brought snacks. Some crisps and apples. Didn’t know if you wanted the healthy version or not.”

“No way,” laughed Daisy. “I get enough ‘healthy’ from dad.” She grabbed a handful of the crisps.

“If you need anything else – drinks or something – let me know,” smiled Beth.

“Thanks, Ms. Latimer,” said Daisy, smiling.

“Oh, mum, can we play with Lizzy?” asked Chloe.

Beth nodded her head, setting down the child when a loud chime came from Daisy’s phone.

Daisy smiled with excitement. “Oh, dad said he’d text me afterwards. Maybe it’s him!”

Everyone watched anxiously as Daisy read the text, but Daisy’s smile disappeared when she read it was from Ellie.

“Ellie says I need to go over there,” she said.

Beth raised a brow. “This late in the evening?”

“It’s fine, Ms. Latimer,” said Daisy, grabbing her things. “I’m sure everything’s fine.”

Beth nodded. “I can drive you if you like.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

\-------------------------

Ellie arrived home seeing two smiling teens and a motherly figure holding a small toddler; Daisy was sitting on the porch next to Tom, presumably gossiping or talking about their video games. Fred was in Daisy’s arms, laughing as she cradled him closely. Beth stood watching the four that were there as little Lizzy was curled up in her arms.

All of them turned their attention to Ellie as she parked in the driveway.

“Ellie!” Daisy cried, happily. Tom was also smiling. But everything quickly turned around. Daisy stopped smiling when she saw Ellie’s face; her eyes were red and her makeup smudged. Daisy looked concerned. “Dad?” she called out when she saw no one else was getting out of the car.

“Ellie?” Beth asked, putting Lizzy down, rushing to her friend.

Ellie couldn’t do it. She didn’t question why Beth and Lizzy were over. She just knew that she was going to break down.

Beth wrapped her arms around her friend, holding her close, and Ellie sobbed into her shoulder.

“Everyone in,” Beth told the kids.

Daisy lead the toddlers inside and Tom followed as Beth lead Ellie upstairs to her room where there would be more privacy.

It was hard for Ellie to even navigate her own home with all of the tears welling in her eyes. Everything looked blurry as she was led down the cluttered hallways of her home.

She eventually landed on the side of her bed, Beth’s arms still wrapped around her friend. Ellie eventually stopped crying, finally able to hear over her own sobs.

“El,” said Beth softly. She opened her mouth first at which no words came out, rethinking what she was going to say. “El, why don’t you go change, alright?” said Beth.

Ellie could only nod. Maybe getting out of her godforsaken dress would relieve the tenseness of her whole body. And maybe not.

Sitting up, she slid into the bathroom for a good ten minutes, mostly thinking about what had happened. She heard the kids from outside the bedroom and Beth mumbling something back to them. She heard their sad footsteps go back downstairs and the quiet sound of Beth knocking on the door.

“You okay in there?”

Just those simple words made Ellie go back into an emotional breakdown. She didn’t even know why! She just slid down on the wall, wrapping her arms around herself as sobs managed to escape from her hiccuping lungs.

Beth opened the door and slid down next to Ellie her counsellor mode fully turned on.

“El,” she said calmly, “can you breath?” Ellie looked up, doing her best to take a deep breath in, but each time she could only gasp for a big breath as more sobs were pushed out.

“El,” Beth said again. “Look,” she said, holding a hand against her stomach, demonstrating a deep breath in and then out. “In, and then back out.”

Ellie steadied herself again following the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ Beth was instructing.

“El,” Beth said once more. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Silence.

“What happened with Hardy?” she tried again.

More silence.

“Ellie,” said Beth.

“He’s – he – I c-can’t,” breathed Ellie, rapid breaths starting again.

“Shh,” Beth cooed. “Ellie I need to know what to tell Daisy. She’s worrying right now.”

“He’s in hospital.” Ellie’s voice was raspy.

“Heart problems?”

“No.”

“Then-”

“I don’t – he – there was an accident,” Ellie gasp. “He’s in a coma, Beth,” Ellie cried. “And the doctors don’t know when he’ll wake up!”

Beth stayed silent for a little bit, stunned herself.

“God, I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?” Ellie said in a whisper.

“What do you mean?” asked Beth.

“Why has this happened to me? Why has this happened to all of us? First Joe, ruining both our families. Now this! I don’ think I can do this, Beth,” said Ellie.

“It will be fine, El,” said Beth.

“How do you know? It seems like to me all life wants to do is make our lives a living hell.”

Beth sighed. “I don’t know,” said Beth. “But from what it seems, Ellie, Hardy will do anything for the people he cares about. He’s a stubborn bastard that won’t ever give up. If anyone could pull through something like that, it would be him.”

Ellie just sighed.

“He loves you so much, you know,” said Beth. “He really does.”

Beth then sat up. “I should tell Daisy.”

“No,” said Ellie. “I’ll tell her. And Tom. Tom deserves to know too.”

Beth just nodded, helping Ellie up.

“You’re going to get through this,” said Beth. “And so will Hardy.”

“I hope so.”

\----------------------------------------------

Beth couldn’t stand all the crying in the room. Even being a counsellor, she had never heard such distraught. Not since Danny. And even after that, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like if Ellie knew about the engagement plans. How would she react if she knew Hardy was going to propose to her that very evening?

Daisy already knew because Hardy had told her. And of course, Hardy had told Daisy not to tell anyone else, but it may have slipped in her friend group, including Chloe, and Beth might just had overheard their conversation.

She couldn’t imagine what Daisy was going through right now. Years of hating her own father and then finally making amends with him, only for them to last a year or two.

But no. Ellie couldn’t know about the ring. It would only break her heart further.

“Ellie,” Beth asked, knocking on Ellie’s door. Ellie had decided to change clothes again after deciding they reminded her too much of Hardy. “Do you happen to have Hardy’s clothes? Wanted to put them in the wash, maybe.”

“You’re not really doing my laundry, are you,” Ellie asked miserably, opening her door. She had been crying again, as expected.

“Just thought it would help to ease some of the stress,” said Beth. “I would know.”

“Yeah,” said Ellie.

“Oh shit,” Beth said. “Sorry. I shouldn’t bring that up either. Things are already mournful enough as is.”

Ellie only nodded her head.

Beth gave a sad smile. “The clothes,” she pressed.

Ellie walked over to grab a small pile of clothes. Beth could already see scratch marks on the white shirt folded on top, but right before Beth could grab the clothes out of Ellie’s hands, Ellie stopped midway.

“El?” Beth asked.

“Nothing,” said Ellie, handing Beth the top part of the clothes. Then, of all else, she held on to the trousers, digging into the pockets.

“El,” Beth warned.

Ellie ignored her, probably not purposefully, but because her thoughts were in their own place. “Nurse said his valuables were in here, though, probably won’t find anything but a couple -” then Ellie froze, hand still in the right pocket.

She looked up at Beth with the most sickening face.

“Ellie.”

“No, no, no,” Ellie muttered. “No, no, no,” she said louder. There, she pulled out a small, black velvet box. Ellie dropped the trousers. For a minute, she just stared at the box. “This isn’t-”

“I’m sorry El,” said Beth.

Inside was a small, golden ring with a delicate diamond held on top. It was nothing over the top – very modest and simple. Very Hardy. Very Ellie.

“No!” Ellie wailed this time.

Beth cradled Ellie in her arms as she dropped everything she was holding. Footsteps came rushing up the steps, Daisy looking worried.

Beth only shook her head.

“Shh,” Beth said, holding her friend. “I’m so sorry. This should have never happened. You don’t deserve this.”

“No,” said Ellie. “I don’t.”

\----------------------------------------------

Ellie watched as doctors and nurses moved in and out of the room. She watched as Hardy’s chest rose and fell as large machines beeped at his side in a repetitive rhythm. It was scary. The last few times he was in the hospital weren’t nearly as frightening. He looked as if he was going to die right then and there. A great bloody bandage was wrapped around a purple face. He had multiple casts around his body which hid whatever bruises and cuts he had there.

Worst of all, no one knew how fast he would recover. With each coming day, Ellie hoped and hoped more. After a week, she started bringing fresh grapes in hopes he would wake.

Ellie leaned sadly over the figure with a bag of grapes in her hand. A nurse watching and monitoring whatever the machines were beeping at her as Ellie continued to watch Alec’s still body.

“Try talking to him,” the nurse suggested.

“What?” Ellie asked.

“Try talking to him,” the nurse repeated. “Sometimes different words and all that can help bring patients out of their comas. Plus, it’s nice for the patients to hear a voice other than the sounds of a hospital.”

“Can he really hear me though?” Ellie asked.

The nurse stayed silent for a bit. “It’s really up for debate, the answer to that. Some people like to say that familiar sounds help patients recover faster.”

Ellie just nodded.

The nurse gave a sad smile. “If you want, I can leave.”

“No, no,” said Ellie. “It’s fine.”

Ellie then leaned in closer to Alec. For once, he looked like he was at peace. For once he didn’t have worry lines spread across his forehead or tired-looking eyes.

“Daisy’s doing good,” Ellie managed to say. “She knows you – erm – you’re on your way to recover – and I know somewhere deep inside you there’s a man fighting as hard as he can to come back. And – erm – I found the ring.”

Everything seemed to go silent. Even the beeping of the machines.

Ellie looked up to see a tall figure standing in a worn suit and navy tie in the corner of the room. His hair was messy as usual and his posture slouched over. But the figure smiled.

Ellie scooted back. What she was seeing wasn’t real. It was her imagination. It wasn’t real.

“And your answer?” the figure asked.

Ellie just stared. His voice sounded _so_ real. The pitch, the way it echoed out in the room. Too real.

She looked back down at the sleeping figure beside her, still hooked up to machines.

“Yes,” Ellie said in a whisper. “My answer is yes.”

She could feel a single tear roll down her cheek, and for a split second, she saw the still body’s hand twitch. She gasped out loud, the nurse’s attention drawn to Ellie.

“Did you see that?” Ellie asked in pure hope. “He – his hand! It moved!” she said happily.

“Just reflex, ma’am,” said the nurse. “Though, I can agree with you that he is looking a lot better. He’ll probably be off the ventilator soon,” she said.

Ellie almost didn’t hear the nurse over her pure happiness. She looked back up to see that the figure who was standing in the corner was now gone. She turned her attention back to Alec.

“You’ll make it. I know you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so long, too. And sorry it's kinda boring. Thanks for reading this though!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the chapter delay. I was really having writer's block with this because I was trying to chose a SONG. Yeah. That's right. I got writer's block because I couldn't chose a song to use in this chapter. I had planned to use a song for this chapter, but I couldn't find the perfect song for this chapter, soooo... I'm sorry. Please don't be mad with the choice. Though, I do have to admit that I do like the song that I chose. Anyways. That's that.   
> And also, this will go into more detail on my other fic, but thank you so much for all of your support and kind words said! I owe a lot to you all who leave those sorts of comments because it keeps me motivated to continue chapter updates, and motivation is key. So thank you to all of you who have left comments and kudos!

9 Months Before the Accident

  
  


Ellie sat on her bed quietly. She listened to wind rattle tree branches and rain patter against her window. She checked her phone, reading a text from her sister saying Fred was asleep and Tom was getting ready for bed. She typed a thank you to her sister.

Lucy may have made mistakes in the past, but she was always there for Ellie when she needed her the most. She just wished she was there for Olly all of those other times when she wasn’t.

God, even all of her thoughts were turning depressing.

She couldn’t help it. It was why she felt good reason to send Tom and Fred off for the evening. Ellie could admit that she had some rough nights, and those nights she agreed she’d rather not have her children around to worry about her. She already got enough pity from strangers.

Just when she thought she could remake and build her life, Joe always came back to haunt her. It was like building a barrier between her past and present, but each time her past would seep through a crack taking over her mind and not leaving.

Joe was like a parasite she could never get rid of. He poisoned all her memories and she hated him for it.

Ellie promised herself she wouldn’t cry tonight. She’d gotten over that a long time ago. Almost two years ago. And since then, she had been able to reconstruct her life with Tom and Fred. She didn’t need anyone else but them.

Lucy had pestered her about finding a new man. Something about finding a new ‘special someone’. She even asked about Alec Hardy. Then, Ellie had declined the thought. If she couldn’t even date a regular bloke, how was she supposed to do that with her boss?

But tonight? She honestly didn’t know.

She couldn’t help it that she enjoyed being around him. That she felt like he understood her. That she felt like he was the only one who didn’t smother her with pity. She couldn’t help it that he had asked her if she wanted to take a walk to the beach. Of course she was going to say yes to that.

But why?

And then, of course, he had to be there with her, watching a bloody sunset like they were on some soap-opera and ask the question she thought she would never hear come out of his mouth.

“ _Ellie,” he had mumbled._

_She looked up, surprised to hear him use her first name. It almost bothered her. She was so used to being called Miller._

“ _I – er – I wondered if – erm – youwouldwannabemagirl...friend?”_

“ _What?” Ellie had asked, surprised. She could barely make out what he was trying to say. All she caught was ‘friend’ and his red flushed face._

“ _Do you want - I mean if you_ really _want to – and I completely understand if you wouldn’t want to – but I’m asking if you would, er, have me?”_

_Ellie stayed silent._

“ _Would you like to go on a date with me and be my – erm – it’s alright if you don’t want to.” Alec swayed back and forth, but instead of looking down at his feet or off to the distance, he was looking her in the eyes._

_He was a right mess, but Ellie knew exactly what he was trying to say._

She left. Right then and there. She left him on the pier and jumped in her car. She had called Lucy to pick up the boys because she truly didn’t know how she was going to feel when she got home.

So, sitting in her bed with guilt and anger, she pushed away all of her thoughts, closing her eyes. She just wanted to sleep it over and hope it would go away in the morning – both the feeling and the problem. But trying to and doing so were completely different. Of course she would try and close her eyes and forget what happened, but her mind wouldn’t allow that.

Instead, it raced with a thousand thoughts that flowed through her mind. Memories that popped up in small fragments both good and bad. She saw Joe plead not guilty again. She saw him tell her she loves her. She saw him playing in the backyard with Tom and Fred, the grass glowing a bright green and the birds singing in the trees as Tom and Joe passed a ball around.

Then she saw him plead not guilty again. She saw him walk away from Beth and herself on his way to a car to be long forgotten.

Why did she have to fall in love with him? Alec’s words echoed in her mind, and her own words followed.

“ _All along you told me to not trust.”_

But why didn’t she listen before? Why didn’t she know Joe was the murderer? Why didn’t she question all of those nights he came home late or all of the time he spent with the boys? And why was she listening to him now? Why would she not trust Alec Hardy after everything they had gone through together? After all of the support that he showed and all of the times he was there for her to lean on?

She hated herself. She hated that she couldn’t see it and she hated how unfair life was.

But then she asked herself if it was Hardy she didn’t trust. Maybe it was herself she didn’t trust. Maybe she didn’t trust herself to not go out and get heartbroken again. Maybe she wasn’t ready to be heartbroken again. After everything she had seen and gone through, she shouldn’t have to be put through any more misery. She had been put through enough hell for a lifetime.

Ellie continued to listen to the silence in her house. It was odd not having Fred or Tom around. Tom always loved to talk to himself or yell out loud while he played on his X-Box and Fred would laugh and giggle about the smallest things.

She sighed. Her head felt like it was throbbing.

She was tempted to grab a glass of wine, but she figured it would only make the headache worse. Then again…

She heard a knock on the door, then. She didn’t have to go to the window to check and see who it was. She could take a guess and she would be right.

She didn’t feel like talking to Alec Hardy right now. She really didn’t. Not after what happened on the pier. But for some reason, she got out of bed and answered the door anyway.

When she opened it, she was greeted with his tall silhouette. He looked half surprised that she even bothered to open it. Ellie didn’t say anything.

“I can go – if you want,” is what he said.

Ellie didn’t protest, but she also didn’t invite him in. She just stared at him with great intensity. For some reason, all she could do was think of Joe.

“Er, I wanted to say I’m sorry about this evening, that is,” he continued. “I – I, er, don’t think you know this, but it’s completely fine if you – well you know – decline, I guess, the offer. I was just putting that out there, and if you don’t want to take it to that step I completely understand and I don’t want to be pushing you into anything and that it’s okay if you need to take your time or if you don’t want it to be like that at all… I mean our, er, relationship.”

His rambling didn’t seem to stop until she pulled him in for a chaste kiss on the lips. He stumbled back for a second, pulling away, and so did Ellie. She didn’t know why she just did that. And soon after, guilt sunk in her stomach. She felt like she was going to vomit.

“Ellie?” asked Alec, concerned when Ellie turned around, bending forward. She felt a faint hand on her shoulder, rubbing soothingly to help ease whatever tension was there.

“I’m s-sorry,” she stuttered out. Flashes of Joe raced through her mind. And just when she thought she was going to end the evening without tears shed, she felt her eyes start to well up and her throat go dry.

Alec lead her to the sofa, giving her the chance to sit down. But instead, Ellie leaned against his lanky frame and cried into his shoulder.

After a couple minutes, Ellie was able to calm down enough to take a couple deep breathes in and out, but she never let go of Alec. And as much as she was telling herself she didn’t need anyone, in that moment, it was much too clear on how much she _did_ need someone.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked softly, gently rubbing her back.

Ellie just nodded and sighed as she continued to cling on to him. They swayed back and forth for a bit in the living room until Alec finally pushed away. Ellie almost felt at a loss when she was separated from his body heat.

“Do you need anything? Water? Tea?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was still dressed in his work clothes despite it being so late in the evening.

“No,” she said with a sniffle and a weak attempt to dry her face off. “I’m fine.”

Alec gave a sad smile and nodded. “Of course.”

They stood in silence for a bit until he cleared his throat.

“Erm, if you want,” he started, “we can forget about what happened at the beach.”

“Alec-”

“No, no, let me finish,” he said. “I don’t know what you’re going through now, and I will never understand what you are going through. But… if you want, I’m always here to talk – even though I’m rubbish at making any normal conversations.”

Ellie would have smiled at that.

“Or, if you want, I, erm, well Daisy installed an app on my phone that can play music, and I wondered if you might be interested in listening to something. Just as friends. We can forget everything at the beach.”

Ellie quirked a half-smile and nodded.

Alec gave a silent breath of relief but then smiled. Ellie sat on the sofa and wrapped an old blanket around her as he fiddled with his phone. When the music finally started playing, Ellie relaxed and closed her eyes, listening to all of the quiet notes and chords.

Song after song they silently listened to until it finally changed to a sombre tune. A soft organ played to a steady rhythm. Ellie smiled.

“I used to listen to this song, you know,” said Ellie. And if she thought about it, that was the first proper sentence she had spoken to him this evening.

Hardy gave a soft laugh as _Lover, You Should’ve Come Over_ played over the phone’s speakers.

“Used to be something I listened to after breakups,” she said with a smile.

“I can change it if you like,” he offered.

Ellie shook her head. “No. I like this song.”

Alec swayed to the rhythm in his seat. “Me too.” Then, in one swift motion, he was on his feet taking Ellie’s hand. “Would you like to dance?” he asked shyly.

Ellie could feel her cheeks flush with pink as she slid out of her blanket and into his arms. They swayed back and forth to the song. Ellie leaned up against him, listening carefully.

_So I’ll wait for you and I’ll burn_

_Will I ever see your sweet return,_

_Or, will I ever learn?_

_Lover, you should’ve come over_

‘ _Cause it’s not too late._

She closed her eyes as they swayed back and forth to the rhythm. She was almost sure that the silent heartbeat of Hardy’s chest matched the rhythm of the song, lulling her to sleep. The rain continued to hit hard against the window but was drowned out by the music.

Everything was being drowned out by the music except for Alec, and she was thankful for that.

_But maybe I’m just too young,_

_To keep good love from going wrong_

_Oh lover, you should’ve come over,_

_Yeah yeah yes._

“This should be our song,” Ellie suggested.

“What?” he asked.

“You know. Our song. Every couple has to have a special song,” said Ellie, following Alec’s movements.

Alec nodded. “I’d like that,” he said with a smile.

Ellie smiled too as she leaned in to give him another kiss, this time it was meant to last.

_Sweet lover, you should’ve come over,_

_Oh, love I’ve waited for you_

_Lover, you should’ve come over_

‘ _Cause it’s not too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for giving this a read! Like I said, I had really bad writer's block while writing this chapter and if I'm being honest, I really don't know what I was writing about, so I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. I feel like the timeline is also messed up, so I'm sorry about that too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I sorta forgot how much of the film skips back and forth in time during the first couple minutes. I did the best I could trying to arrange everything so it would make sense and also follow the story line of the film, but I'll say ahead of time I'm sorry just incase it is confusing. I think I may have sort of rearranged the timeline, but only by a little bit.  
> Also, speaking of time, I have to say this will probably be a long fic. This is the fourth part for this fic and I've only gotten about 12-16 minutes into the 90 minute movie, soooooo…  
> Agh. What does it matter.  
> Happy reading.

“Are you Ellie?”

Alec walked around the streets disoriented. Or was that even his name? He couldn’t remember. He just needed to find his partner – no, his fiancee, Ellie. That’s what he remembered. Ellie. Ellie Miller.

“Are you Ellie Miller?” he asked. Multiple people looked up and stared at him but didn’t say anything. “Hmm…”

He tried concentrating even more, but he couldn’t. Everything in his vision looked faint and the figures looked contorted. He blinked once and then tried again, but his vision wouldn’t clear up.

“Ellie Miller?” He asked loudly. “Are any of you Ellie Miller?” he asked even louder.

More people seemed to stop to stare.

Where was he? A town? Small town. Small and crowded street… town...

“Ellie Miller?” he asked again.

Soon a woman popped out of a… place? Establishment? She looked so familiar too. Older. White-blonde hair.

“Maggie, what’s going on?” an unrecognizable voice asked.

The white-haired woman strode closer to Alec.

“DI Alec Hardy?” she asked.

Hardy looked up to the sky as if to think. He then looked down at his wrist which had a tied white band with small black letters printed on it. He checked the name. “Yep. That’s me,” he said as he held his hand up to show her the band. “Are you Ellie Miller, by any chance?” he asked.

The woman shook her head, inspecting his white hospital gown and plastic wrist band placed tightly around his arm.

She didn’t answer his question.

“Olly!” she called out. “Call your Aunt.”

Alec furrowed his eyebrows not understanding why no one would answer him. “Are any of you Ellie Miller?” he yelled loudly, then walked up to a brown-haired woman.

“Are you Ellie Miller?” he asked her. “Where is Ellie?”

She only backed away in fear when a set of hands grabbed at his arms. He pulled away quickly, spinning around to see the older woman pulling at him.

“Oi! What do yer think yer doin’ Not-Ellie-Miller?” he asked the lady. He was sure he had seen her before. He just couldn’t place a name.

“DI Hardy, you are not in your right mind. You need to come back with me,” she said firmly.

Alec shook his head. “No! I need to find my – my…?” he took in a deep breath. Where was he?

“DI Hardy, Ellie Miller will be here soon. You need to come with me now, though,” she said.

Alec shook his head again. “No!” he yelled louder, backing away. “I need to find… I need to find Milllller? Millahr. Yes. Ellie Miller. Broadchurch Police.”

Maggie shook her head, grabbing Alec by the arm, and dragged him back to her office where they waited for police officials to arrive.

\------------------------------------

10 Hours Earlier

Ellie had gotten to the hospital early in the morning only to find a doctor and several nurses crammed around his bed.

“Oi! What’s going on?” Ellie asked, rushing over. The doctor was rubbing his palm firmly against Alec’s chest as nurses stood around with clipboards.

“Oi!” Ellie tried again.

The doctor looked up as he stopped whatever it was he was doing.

“Mrs. Miller,” he said, smiling.

Ellie didn’t smile. Instead, she asked, “what happened?”

The doctor then stood up straighter. “Don’t worry,” he said. “We were checking his responses. His coma has lightened enough for it.”

For a moment Ellie felt relief and happiness. “Is he coming out of it?” she asked hopefully.

“He’s already been off the ventilator for a day,” said the doctor.

“So he’ll be alright then?” Ellie smiled.

“Well…” the doctor said.

Ellie frowned in concern.

“There’s a long way to go, yet,” he said.

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows. “You must have some idea,” she said.

“Brain injuries are different every time,” said the doctor, then pulled Ellie over to the side.

Ellie stood there, confused.

“Look,” he said with a sincere face. “How someone was before their accident usually has a lot to do with how things turn out for them afterward.” The doctor stayed silent for a bit, but Ellie just stared back. When he saw she wasn’t going to say anything he asked, “So, what was he like?”

“Well, er,” Ellie said, “he’s been working for the police for god knows how long,” she said. “Not the greatest at being sociable or likeable for that matter… but he’s amazingly kind and protective when you get to know him,” she said just realising her eyes were welling up.

The doctor stayed silent.

“He’s Alec Hardy. What more do you want?” she asked. “I love him. He loves me. He loves his family. That’s what he’s like.”

The doctor only nodded and lead Ellie back to the chair she had by his bedside. He left after a couple minutes more of moving his limbs about and recording whatever it was they needed to record.

It was still dark by the time they had left and the only sound that could be heard was the rhythmic beeps of the monitors hooked up to Alec. She took his hand, stroking it a bit before letting go to hold her own two hands together.

The nurse had told her earlier that familiar sounds could help patients recover. Whether or not there was any truth to that didn’t matter. Ellie was ready to do anything to help.

She sighed but did her best to put on a smile.

“Hiya,” she said quietly. She talked softly as she looked around to others in the room. Most of the beds were empty except for another man in the corner, a sombre family sitting next to him. “Um, the kids are doing alright. Made you cards,” she said.

She couldn’t look at his motionless body anymore, so instead, she focused on two coloured construction paper cards. One a light blue and the other a navy colour. She had recently learned those were his favourite colours. Not that it would matter right now.

“Even Fred, he made one,” she whispered. She cleared her throat and opened the light blue card. The card was written with a purple crayon and decorated with small pictures. “Fred writes ‘get well soon’ with the added ‘you still need to finish _the Wizard of Oz_ ’.”

She gave a small laugh but frowned when she looked back at his limp body, his eyes closed and hands to his side. She examined the card again, looking at the pictures Fred had drawn in. He’d drawn something that resembled a lion and the tin man from the book along with Toto. She looked back at Hardy, then turned the card around as if to show him.

“See,” she said. “He even drew in pictures.”

She would have almost expected a nod of some sort, but unfortunately for her, his body remained still.

She moved on to the next card. “This one’s from Tom,” she said. “Feel better, it says.” She frowned. The card was almost blank and only had those two words written down in ink. At the bottom, Tom had signed his name. “To think he’ll be headed off to Uni soon,” she mumbled.

She looked at the rest of the cards and flowers that sat by his side. Maggie had sent in a couple fake roses to sit by his side and Tess had sent a card. She set the cards back up next to him.

“CS Jenkinson has, uh, has gone over your sick pay – as much as I know you hate hearing that.” She watched as his chest rose and fell.

She shook her head. “You know,” she said. “I was walking on the beach yesterday to get some air – but I couldn’t help notice all of the other people out on the beach. They were all happy. Smiling. Laughing. But I could only think ‘why didn’t it happen to them?”

She wiped a tear away from her eye. “Why not? We’ve already gone through enough shit. Why is it us who have to go through this? Are we just that unlucky? They’re lucky, all those people on the beach. So fucking lucky.”

She stopped and looked away. Just away to anything. She had seen him in a hospital bed multiple times, but she couldn’t remember any of those times being just as horrifying and quiet as now.

“’Course it’s illogical,” she muttered. “I know what you’re thinking, you know. ‘What’s new, Ellie?’” She paused for a minute and looked back at Alec and gave a sad smile. “I always know what you’re thinking.”

Then she turned around and dug in her purse for her mobile device. She had gotten Daisy to help her install the same music app Alec had played music on all those months ago. She plugged in the mobile device to a pair of headphones and set it around Alec’s head pushing play on _Lover, You Should’ve Come Over._

_Broken down and hungry for your love_

_With no way to feed it_

_Where are you tonight?_

_Child, you know how much I need it._

_Too young to hold on_

_And too old to break free and run…_

She watched as the music played. She didn’t have to be listening to it to hear the words being sung. They’d listened to it so often she almost had the song memorised. She watched as he continued to breathe slowly. And then she cried.

\-----------------------------------

Ellie had reluctantly brought Daisy and Tom along, later that day. Beth was there to drive Daisy back if she needed to and provide support for Ellie if she needed it. Tom had refused to come. He said he didn’t want to and instead stayed put in his room playing video games. Ellie understood Tom. She got that he was going through his own stages of grief. It was fairly obvious Tom had grown a liking towards Alec, so Ellie wasn’t sure how this would affect Tom.

Daisy gave her dad a hug, holding him tight, and then leaned over on Ellie.

“He’ll be alright, won’t he?” Daisy asked.

“Yeah,” said Ellie quietly.

Beth watched them carefully as she cradled Fred in her arms. “You want to go down and get some sweets? Maybe take a breather?” Beth suggested.

Daisy nodded her head.

Beth smiled. “I’ll take Fred too,” she said to Ellie.

Ellie thanked her silently and sat back down next to Alec.

\------------------------------------

Lunch was miserably silent. The four of them sat at a local cafe less than a mile from the hospital. Ellie didn’t want to leave, but Beth had suggested that it would be good to get some air not only benefiting Ellie but also Daisy.

Ellie hardly touched her food. Instead, she sipped away at a tea that was utterly bland and cold.

“Everything will be fine,” Beth reassured them all, but even she didn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth. How could she? She knew perfectly well that terrible accidents and grief couldn’t be fixed so easily.

“You don’t have to say that, Beth,” said Ellie, staring out the window. It was still cloudy, as always, and looked as if it was about to rain.

“Yeah, I do,” she said. “It may not be true, but maybe if we keep telling ourselves that it’ll ease some of the pain.”

Daisy looked away and pushed her plate towards the centre of the table. “I’m full,” she said, her muffin left untouched.

“Daisy,” said Beth, “you need to eat something.”

“Dad wouldn’t,” she countered.

“Yeah, because he can be a stupid arsehole sometimes,” Ellie said, pushing the plate back to Daisy. “Eat. I’m sure he would agree with me.”

Daisy sighed, not protesting, but continued to give a blank stare.

\------------------------------------------------

He woke up with a ringing in his ear and an abundance of light. He shook his head. Where was he? He looked around him but everything appeared to glow too brightly, straining his eyes. He closed them again and looked up.

Above him was a whiteboard with black letters written.

_Your name is Alec Hardy. You are in the hospital. You have been involved in a road accident. Your brain is injured. You will have problems making sense of things._

He looked around him once more, his ears still ringing. He shook his head.

Where was he?

Soon, a group of people dressed in blue surrounded him. His eyes widened.

Where in the hell was he?

\------------------------------------------

When Ellie got back to the hospital room she was greeted with loud yells coming from a raspy voice. She hurried her way to see nurses huddled around Alec’s bed again.

Beth held Daisy back.

“FUCK OFF! GET AWAY FROM ME!”

Ellie dropped her stuff.

“He’s talking!” Ellie said, moving towards the bed, but one of the nurses held her back.

“FUCK OFF!” Alec yelled again. “SHUT UP! GO AWAY!”

Ellie gaped. “Why’s he so upset?”

“Post coma agitation happens a lot,” one of the nurses said as she did her best to hold down a panicked Alec Hardy.

Ellie watched as he calmed down and the nurses continued to hold him.

“Alec,” one of them said. “It’s okay. You’ve had an accident, Alec. You’re in the hospital. It’s why you’re here.”

“Where?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“Can’t you give him something?” Ellie asked worried he might hurt himself.

“Give me something?” he asked looking even more panicked.

“Shh,” said one of the nurses, holding him down as Alec tried to sit up.

Ellie shook her head and pushed past the nurses. “Alec,” said Ellie. “It’s me, Alec. It’s me.”

Alec stared at her for a second as if he was seeing her for the first time. “Did you find him?” he asked frantically.

Ellie shook her head. “Find who?”

“The suspect! God! Idiots! The lot of you! I can’t do anything if you can’t find the bloody suspect!” He took a deep breath in, then looked at the nurses.

“Do you know who this is, Alec?” one of them asked.

Alec stared back at Ellie.

“Who is this lady, Alec?” she asked again.

Ellie waved. “It’s me, Alec. It’s me. Ellie.”

That only seemed to confuse him even more.

Then Daisy peeked out from behind Beth. “Dad?” She asked.

Alec stayed silent.

“Dad, it’s me. Daisy. Do you remember me?” she asked.

Alec stayed silent and closed his eyes.

The nurses relaxed, letting go of him.

“Has he fallen asleep already?” Ellie asked.

“It’s completely normal. We suspect he’ll be up again within a couple hours. Until then, he needs to rest.”

Ellie nodded.

\---------------------------------------------------

Alec opened his eyes. He felt sore. Everything felt sore. He watched as his vision focused. A familiar face was watching over him. He smiled a bit.

“Are you one of the nurses?” he asked, unsure where he had seen the woman before. She had dark, wavy hair pinned back and was dressed in a grey suit jacket and white shirt.

“No, Alec, no,” she said. “It’s Ellie. Ellie Miller. I’m your... partner.”

But it didn’t matter to Alec. Everything sounded muted and everything looked blurry.

Partner? From work?

Alec smiled. “Tess. You’re Tess!”

The woman frowned. “No… Tess is your ex-wife. You worked with her years back. But then you transferred to Broadchurch. I’m Ellie Miller. We work together now. I’m your friend. We’re mates. Best mates.”

“Are you?” he asked quietly, still quirking a smile.

“Yeah,” she said. “I didn’t bring grapes this time. Figured you choking on seeds would only make this worse.” She didn’t smile after saying that though. She almost regretted saying that.

The woman then shook her head and reached for her purse. There she found a picture of the two of them. One where he looked genuinely happy, even though he wasn’t smiling.

“See this?” she asked. She showed him the picture. “That’s us. Right there. This was after Beth’s Christmas party. You actually enjoyed yourself for a bit then.”

Alec took the picture in his hands and stared at it.

“Beth,” he mumbled.

“Yeah. We went to her Christmas party together. Remember?”

“A platter. Christmas… platter. Yes,” he said but then frowned. “No. No. Pantry. Pantry.”

“No,” she said slowly..

“Pantry.”

“Party,” she corrected. “We went to a party. A Christmas party at Mark and Beth’s place.”

“Yes. Pantry. Christmas pantry,” he said. Everything still looked blurry as light invaded his eyes. He tried to blink again, maybe to clear the picture up. Maybe he would be able to recognize who was talking to him. “What’s your name again?” he asked.

\-----------------------------------

Ellie sat in silence, watching him. One of the nurses gave a sad smile.

“His amnesia will go,” she said.

“Completely?” Ellie asked.

They were both startled when Alec yelled out, “suspect! Bloody suspect!” then he grabbed at the nurse. “No! Ye can’t get away!”

The nurse grabbed his hand and placed it back to his side.

“Alec, you can’t do that. I promise you I’m not a suspect,” she reassured. “It’s not nice to grab other people. I’m a nurse, not a suspect.” She talked as if she was instructing a toddler.

“Sorry about that,” Ellie apologised for him.

“It’s fine,” the nurse said. “Happens more often than you think.”

Ellie shook her head. How on earth could this happen often? Why should anyone be put through this?

She turned to Beth and Daisy.

Beth came around to Alec with Daisy trailing closely. “Hiya,” she said. “Do you remember who I am? I’m Beth Latimer. You helped me before, remember? I am – er – I was Danny Latimer’s mum. You helped me.”

Alec seemed to ignore her.

“Why the fuck am I here anyway?” he asked one of the nurses as he started to get up. “I want to go home!” He then started to take his t-shirt off in attempts to change but got stuck instead.

The nurses rushed to help him pull it back on.

“Alec, you’ve got to keep your pyjamas on,” one of the nurses said.

“But I need to get home!” cried Alec as he tried to avoid one of the nurses.

Ellie and Beth backed up and let the nurses do their job.

“Sounds like he’s had enough of this place,” said Beth.

Ellie sighed. “Giving the staff a hard time, as usual,” she said.

“No, no, no, no!” Alec complained.

Ellie rushed back to his side.

“Hush, Alec,” she said. “You’re still on the mend.”

Alec gave her a look of surprise. “What are they mending?”

Then Daisy stepped up. She gave him a smile.

“Hello dad,” she said. “It’s me, Daisy.”

“Who?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for giving this a read! Hope this wasn't too boring or anything.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I am so sorry for the delay. I haven't updated this in (more than) a month. I am SO sorry. I kept telling myself 'oh I'll update it later. I've got time.' I've really got no excuse, but I'll keep apologising. Gosh, I'm so sorry. Truly.

The day was painfully long and drawn out. Ellie waited outside the hospital on a bench, watching people come and go with worried faces or relieved faces (most of them were worried looking). She hated that this was happening to her. Why did it have to be her? What did she do to deserve all of the bad things that had happened to her over the years? Was her love life cursed?

And of course,Beth bloody Latimer had to be the stable one right now; the mother who went through so much shit because of Ellie’s husband. The mother who had a dead son because of Ellie’s husband. Beth had to be the one who was counselling Daisy right now because Ellie couldn’t handle it.

Why couldn’t she handle it? Why couldn't she keep it together?

Fred pulled on her coat. Ellie looked down at the curly-haired boy.

“Is Alec gonna be okay?” he asked.

And what was she supposed to say to that? How was she supposed to say to a five-year-old that the only father-figure in his life that he could trust had lost his memory?

“I don’t know,” said Ellie, quietly.

“Why was he so angry?” he tried asking again.

“I wish I knew, sweetheart,” said Ellie.

Fred pouted. “Can’t you make him better? Can’t you fix him up, Mumma?”

Ellie’s eyes burned. She couldn’t, could she?

“No, sweetheart. I can’t. We just have to trust Alec can get better on his own,” Ellie said quietly.

Fred stood up on the bench, level with Ellie. “Is that why you were crying?”

Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, letting her eyes fill with water, blurring her vision. She sniffed and wiped down her eyes with her sleeve.

“Can I try?” Fred finally asked.

“Try what, Freddie?”

“To make Alec better.” Fred looked at her with big eyes. “I could give him a hug like you do when I’m hurt, Mumma! I always feel better when you give me a hug!”

Ellie pressed her lips together and gave a soft smile at her boy. “You do that, Fred. Maybe it’ll work.”

Fred opened his arms and wrapped them around Ellie and Ellie hugged back.

“Was that good, Mumma?” Fred asked.

“Perfect.”

Ellie and Fred watched Beth and Daisy reappear from the building, Daisy’s eyes red and her makeup smeared just like Ellie’s. She ran over with watery eyes, giving Ellie a great hug. Fred tried to join in too.

“I’m going to take Daisy over to your house, Elle,” said Beth gently pulling Daisy away. “Might as well take Fred too.”

“I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough for your support, Beth,” said Ellie with a sad smile.

“It’s my job, innit?” she asked. “As your friend, yeah?”

Ellie just nodded. She waved as they walked away.

\-----------------------------

Ellie returned to a silent room. She looked around. All of the beds were empty. All of them including Alec’s.

A wave of panic crawled across Ellie’s body. She froze, not entirely certain she was seeing it right.

_Do something. Do something!_

She shook it off and looked for a nurse, which, luckily (for once in her miserable life), a nurse had just come in. She had the same look of panic on her face when she realised she had walked into an empty room.

“He’s gone!” Ellie said. “Find him!”

The nurse only nodded and headed out calling out for more help. Ellie paced over to Alec’s empty bed. The sheets were cold. She reached for her phone to call Beth, but it rung in her hands before she could type in the number. She answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Ellie. It’s Maggie from the _Echo.”_

_Maggie? Why would she be calling?_

“Sorry, Maggie, but I’m a bit preoccupied. If I could call you back-”

“We need someone to come down the office,” she said. “It’s about Hardy.”

Maggie hung up. Ellie just shook her head, not wanting to know what was going on. She grabbed her coat and ran out of the building, speeding towards the Echo.

\----------------------------------------

The way back to the hospital was dead silent. She hated it. She hated it because all there was to listen to were her own damn thoughts, and right now, all she wanted were for the voices in her head to shut up for one god damn minute. Just a minute is all she asked for.

“ _Is he alright?” Maggie had asked._

Of course he’s not bloody alright! Does he look bloody alright to you?

_Ellie stayed silent, watching as Alec investigated the place as if he’d never seen anything like it. Ellie put a soothing hand on his back and Alec turned towards her, but she had never seen such fear in his eyes. If he had even a scrap of his old self, it was putting in every ounce of energy and effort into breaking free._

“ _If you need anything-” Maggie started, but Ellie shook her head._

“ _I don’t.”_

Ellie was screaming. The voices in her head were screaming at her, and she was silently screaming back.

Why had the universe decided she was unworthy to be happy? Why had the universe given up on her?

\-----------------------------------

Alec wasn’t sure why he’d gone back to the hospital. He’d just been there, hadn’t he? He watched as he stood outside the building as Ellie Miller chatted with one of the officers. More like yelled.

“No! That is no excuse! He should have never been permitted outside – I don’t want to hear it!”

“Ma’am-”

“if you lot were doing your job he would have never gotten out? What is the point of you people?”

“He’s one of our mentally-”

“I swear if you finish that sentence – of course he’s mentally fucking unstable. You try getting hit by a fucking car!”

“Ma’am-”

“That is no excuse,” said Ellie, walking away. “Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Alec blinked.

_He collapsed on the bed, landing on his back. Alec hissed silently, taking a sharp breath in, holding his side. Apparently, his bed was not as soft as he remembered. He groaned when he heard Ellie come in._

“ _Don’t start, Miller,” he groaned. “It’s over. Got the job done, thank God.”_

“ _And nearly bloody killed yourself!”_

_Alec pushed himself back up. Ellie stood at the doorway with crossed arms._

“ _Did not,” he mumbled._

“ _Really? Have you looked at yourself?”_

_He had, indeed. Two purple bruises on his side and one below his eye, plus a split lip. But he knew what it felt like to be dying, and this was nothing like it._

“ _Just took a beating ‘s all.” He made an attempt to stand back up. “Nothing I haven’t experienced before. Now, please, be quiet. I’ve got a massive headache-”_

“ _Yeah, well you wouldn’t have a headache if you didn’t get beat up, and if you would have fucking called for backup, you wouldn’t have gotten beat up and you wouldn’t be here, would you?”_

_Alec rolled his eyes, slowly walking to the door to get past Ellie. She didn’t move so he pushed through._

“ _Where are you going now?” she asked, following._

“ _I’m getting a cup of tea. For God’s sake, Miller. Go home. Take care of wee Fred.”_

_Ellie shook her head. “Why didn’t you call for backup?”_

“ _I_ did! _You think I’m that daft to go after a suspect alone?”_

“ _Sometimes I wonder.”_

_Alec scoffed, making his way to his cluttered kitchen. He hadn’t any time to clean it up since their last case._

“ _I mean,” Ellie continued, “knowing the complete lack of self care you have, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did something that reckless.”_

“ _Ellie, if I didn’t interfere, who knows who his next target might have been. Me getting beat up in exchange for him being locked behind bars seems like a very, very small price to pay.”_

“ _That’s no excuse, Alec!” Ellie shook her head. “You should have waited for backup to arrive.”_

“ _Ellie-”_

“ _Just – shh… I don’t want to hear it. Stop protesting and make your bloody tea.”_

_And the one thing Alec didn’t understand was why she was so upset. Why she was now teary-eyed. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath._

“ _Wanna know something?”_

_Alec stayed silent, pouring water into the kettle._

“ _I honestly don’t know what I would do if you_ did – _if something worse would have happened, and I’m upset that you genuinely don’t care if you’d die on duty if it meant saving someone else. I know that’s part of the job, caring. But, Alec, you have to care for yourself sometimes, too. What if I lost you? What would happen?”_

_Alec stared back at Ellie. “You have people who care about you,” she started, “and are definitely not about to let go of you – but we can’t do that if you don’t let us.”_

“ _I won’t be going anywhere. Not if I can help it.”_

_Ellie opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced when Alec wrapped his arms around her. She stood there frozen, only for a second, surprised by it, but she slowly melted into his warm hug, squeezing his back._

“ _It’s still no excuse,” Ellie whispered. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”_

“ _Oh, don’t you start having heart problems now.”_

_Ellie was still mad at him, and it really was a weak attempt to lighten the mood, but she gave a soft smile at him, pulling away._

“What did you say?”

Alec looked up to see Ellie in front of him. “You can’t have heart problems. I’m the one with heart – heart… thing. But it got fixed. No more broken heart.”

“Oh my God!” Ellie wrapped herself around Alec, who stood there frozen. Why was she so happy?

“You remembered. You – that was from a while ago. You’d said that a while ago!” Ellie beamed. For the first time, Alec saw hope in her eyes. He wondered what she was hoping for.

“Let’s get you two inside,” said one of the officers.

\------------------------------------------

Alec closed his eyes. He hated hospitals. Why?

Maybe if he closed his eyes hard enough, he’d remember exactly why he felt so sick of the foul disinfectant scent or the never-ending blips of tall machines sitting by the beds. Everything about the place seemed to hit him in the face. The sounds, the smells, the way the air hit his back. He hated it. He felt trapped.

But there was another reason he didn’t like hospitals. There was something there, right on the tip of his tongue. He’d been in the hospital before. But why?

“Alec, can you come with me?”

Alec turned his head to the voice. A nurse with a clipboard smiled at him. He hated that too. So bloody smiley.

“Alec?” She asked again.

He nodded his head. The nurse shook her head too and lead him out of his room, into a much smaller room.

“You’ve been doing so well, Alec,” started the nurse. “Just a few more things we need to check and you’ll be up and out of here in no time.”

“You people always say that,” he huffed out, but he didn’t know why. It just sort of came out.

The woman’s smile faltered, but nonetheless, she continued.

She cleared her throat. “So, Alec, what items do you think you’d need for a shower?”

 _What kind of question was that?_ “Shower gel… A towel… antiperspirant.”

The woman led him over to a sink and a mirror. Hanging next to the mirror was a rack with an assortment of bottles.

“Ok. Can you identify what you need?” She pointed to the rack.

Alec looked at the bottles, picking up a dark blue bottle. He turned the bottle in his hand. He held it tightly in his hand as he chose another bottle – this one a lighter blue shade. He handed them to the nurse, but she didn’t take them.

“Alright, Alec. Time to take a shower,” she simply said.

Alec raised a brow when the woman just stood there. “You leaving?”

“No, Alec, I stay here,” she said.

Alec frowned. He didn’t need help taking a bloody _shower_. “Look, all I have to do is take a shower. How hard can that be?"

"That's what I'm here to see," said the nurse.

"I have to - I have to take my - er - dressing table off."

"Dressing gown," the nurse politely corrected.

"Exactly," said Alec. "I’d like a bit of privacy.”

“Curtain’s over there.”

Alec didn’t smile. Turning, he did indeed see a curtain. He stepped inside and stripped down.

_Water. Water. Water._

He turned on the water, letting the chilling spray turn warm against his skin.

_Rain dripped off of him, his legs nearly giving out. He listened to the roaring river behind him and the rain hitting the leaves. The water dripped from him and the girl he held in his arms; she was pale, limp, and lifeless._

Alec choked, turning the water off. The curtain was suddenly withdrawn.

“You alright?” The nurse looked over him. “Alec, you need to use soap.”

Alec scowled. “Privacy!”

“Soap, Alec,” said the nurse, then closed the curtain again.

\-----------------------

Ellie waited for what seemed like forever, waiting for Alec to return, praying desperately she could take him home afterward. She’d had enough of hospitals for a lifetime. She wanted to go home and get Alec home. He’d like that. He’d be happier at home. Home to see Fred and Tom. Home to see Daisy.

“Ellie,” someone grumbled behind her. She spun around quickly, recognising the voice immediately. Leaping up, she gave Alec a hug, running a quick hand through his damp hair.

Letting go, she looked back to the nurse. “Is he ready?”

“You need to finalise some of the paperwork and you’ll be free to check him out.”

Ellie was finally feeling a sliver of hope. Maybe this was the universe’s way of saying it hadn’t completely given up on her. Maybe it was a sign that not everything was alright, but it was going to be.

**Author's Note:**

> So you've made it to the end. I really hope you liked it 'cause usually when I end up liking the fic everyone else hates it... sooo… yeah. Thanks for giving this a read!


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